Have you often been burnt up about someone or because of some situation in your life?
Do you feel so swept away by the situation or the other person’s words, that you say or do hurtful things just to make the situation or make the other person 'go away'.
Would it not be better to make ourselves 'go away'.
After all we can control ourselves can’t we?
Can we control the situation?
Can we control the other person?
How do we make ourselves go away?

“Step back and without an immediate response, survey the environment, and reflect on the course of action instead of being dominated by immediate simulation” (pp. 337, Giesbrecht, Müller, & Miller, 2010).
In simpler words it means stepping away to gain a perspective; psychological distancing.
Taking back the control is needed, so that anger and frustration does not control us and we build a psychological distance from the situation.
Here are 3 Easy steps:
1. Change of focus: Diverting our attention to another aspect of the problem, is changing our focus.
2. Restraint: Instead of reacting, we pause and hence we inhibit even a quick response. This helps us to respond differently
3. Reassess: Once we have used the above two steps then we have created a space for ourselves, and we can assess and decide what is important, what is valuable and what is in our control.
Heated argument example - Relationships
A classic problem we have all faced is a heated argument between partners, or between siblings or friends or even with a parent or a child.
Rather than address the topic of the argument, you might feel the urge to attack the other’s character.
By relying on this type of retort, you may win the argument – or at least end it – but the long-term consequence is that you might leave your partner/sibling/parent/child feeling bitter and hurt.
Is scoring in a boxing ring, point to point of any consequence?
In the larger picture, we are all interdependent and not trying to win a fight in the boxing ring.
Overload/ Multitasking example - Situations
All of us have experienced a similarly overloaded situation where, you have to complete a report before a deadline, there’s a sick person at home, a tax form to complete and maybe top up your groceries for the week!
Taking a breather; reassessing what is an urgent and an important need, has to be prioritized.
Next priority could be the important and not so urgent task or maybe the urgent but not so important deadline.
Taking back the control is needed, so that anger and frustration does not control us and we build a psychological distance from the situation.
Similarly, by addressing the topic of the argument and not hitting out at the other person in the argument, we have built our psychological distance from the heated argument.
Try to imagine yourself as Future-You who is looking back and observing your current-behavior.
Benefits of Psychological distancing.
By reframing our words after creating a psychological distance in the heated argument, we are often able to gain a different perspective.
We may understand the other’s point better, we may find that the points of the argument might change and resolve themselves; because we have not allowed the argument to get personal and loaded with insults.
In the second example, we challenge our creativity and find a solution that allows us to set a pace, and we do not get overtaken by events.
Tools for Psychological distancing
1. Take a break
For example, when in an emotionally charged situation (such as argument), recommend either taking a break for 15 minutes or leave the space and be alone, such as taking a walk.
2. Eisenhower Matrix Task List

The Eisenhower technique helps us move away and gain perspective.
3. Watch Yourself from a Distance
When you’re in an emotionally charged situation, try to imagine that you are watching yourself from a distance. This helps to see ourselves as a third person and chances are that it will suspend some of your heated emotions in the moment.
If you are able to apply the above 3 tools, not only have you learnt the art of Psychological Distancing; in addition you have learnt Goal- setting and Emotional regulation.

Ending on a thoughtful note: Try to imagine yourself as Future-You who is looking back and observing your current-behavior.
For example, by making that hurtful remark now, you might have a weakened relationship later.
For example by procrastinating now, you’ll have more stress later; without prioritizing and doing the not-urgent task first you might miss out on a promotion.
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